The Current state of my life at Forties

The current state of my life:

A bit tired, a bit accepting the way the life befalls, a bit worried sometimes, a bit rage, a bit struggling to beloved, a bit ire with competitors, a bit hope and a bit dream with some actions – my life continues at 43 years of age.

Most difficult times I have had, was with my wife which most of the time damages me and my dream. I think that is the first ever thought I have thought after quarreling every time with her because it loses my self-esteem and mind basically. Sometimes the rage came out destroys me and my life. I don’t feel hopeless still about quarrel thinking that she will understand later in her life why I am the way I am.

The quarreling makes my image down with the surroundings - Piercing my heart and self-image.

I question myself what would I have done if I don’t have money in this situation. 

There are repeated moments of verbal quarreling leading to get me out of the room to sleep on the sofa nearby due to her dissatisfaction over her sexual desires at nights. I didn’t feel like it but need mental peace most of the time after dinner at bed during the night.

 A quest is always there for the next morning to carry out planning in facebook and opportunities app which she doesn’t even realize how I am carrying out day to day activities during the day - My quest for networking, attending and learning by events and workshops, meeting with different interests of people who are potentially the future growth of my career and work advancement in my life of the forties. Identity goes the way I present to the outside world nationally and internationally. Youths need to participate and engage in the activities so as to bring economic and social cohesion in the family and society.

In this life of forties, I am an independent thinker and always trying to carry out plans independently. As I need to bring families into my planning, still the engagements are few towards it.  Thus, teamwork needs to be carried out to bring concrete changes in my life at this age. So, leadership is the key I think. The question is what kind of leadership? and accepting of me as a leader?

I am just thinking I missed the leadership training by Mukesh sir but had a good talk on the telephone about it with one of the friend of mine in the same training.

Flashback of my time at MICD

MICD has been one of my great platform to grow. To be honest, grow in the  sense of expressing myself what I think of reality as such. Many would have disagreed to me or laughed at me by making a joke which normally I have been getting feedback at home and work place. But, everything has changed. My home has changed in many ways. Though still some of their believe which I hear are as it is taking them as a "Hawa Guff." But, the time has been proving myself in many ways. Though still, I am struggling to make a choice in asking a question that makes me feel asking. Only after a great struggle in my mind, I ask a question that goes outside to the environment from my mind.

One thing is sure if I am feeling sleepy, to make out of this state, then I ask questions. So, it has been a great struggle between the state of what my body wants and what my mind wants or the time wants. In this duality, a question arises and I speak of my mind. I am sure, I may not be asking question in relevant to others' reality which actually makes them to think or to go their mind into deja vu. And by listening to their answer I know where they are in congruence with my thought. Sometimes I get beyond my experiences so far and I admit this to be true.

Why I'm into asking questions, to define this further which I had already written in one of my another blog as http://writercrafts.com/tag/life-a-soul/ with a title " Life questions to be asked." in which I enjoyed much expressing them my own belief which could be true to many I suppose.

To make me remind of what I ask, MICD tagged them as a Philosophical which I didn't realize as such earlier. So, categorization has been done which has enlightened me where I am and what I am actually doing so far. Even, I did get feedback not to go much of the spiritual side of where my questions might have based. I totally respect those views which are coming from down to earth modalities based on some ground works. Alas~ I'm free, I know.

To be continued......