The Current state of my life at Forties

The current state of my life:

A bit tired, a bit accepting the way the life befalls, a bit worried sometimes, a bit rage, a bit struggling to beloved, a bit ire with competitors, a bit hope and a bit dream with some actions – my life continues at 43 years of age.

Most difficult times I have had, was with my wife which most of the time damages me and my dream. I think that is the first ever thought I have thought after quarreling every time with her because it loses my self-esteem and mind basically. Sometimes the rage came out destroys me and my life. I don’t feel hopeless still about quarrel thinking that she will understand later in her life why I am the way I am.

The quarreling makes my image down with the surroundings - Piercing my heart and self-image.

I question myself what would I have done if I don’t have money in this situation. 

There are repeated moments of verbal quarreling leading to get me out of the room to sleep on the sofa nearby due to her dissatisfaction over her sexual desires at nights. I didn’t feel like it but need mental peace most of the time after dinner at bed during the night.

 A quest is always there for the next morning to carry out planning in facebook and opportunities app which she doesn’t even realize how I am carrying out day to day activities during the day - My quest for networking, attending and learning by events and workshops, meeting with different interests of people who are potentially the future growth of my career and work advancement in my life of the forties. Identity goes the way I present to the outside world nationally and internationally. Youths need to participate and engage in the activities so as to bring economic and social cohesion in the family and society.

In this life of forties, I am an independent thinker and always trying to carry out plans independently. As I need to bring families into my planning, still the engagements are few towards it.  Thus, teamwork needs to be carried out to bring concrete changes in my life at this age. So, leadership is the key I think. The question is what kind of leadership? and accepting of me as a leader?

I am just thinking I missed the leadership training by Mukesh sir but had a good talk on the telephone about it with one of the friend of mine in the same training.