Thursday, October 17, 2019

Life has turned I suppose interesting or boring.


Life has turned I suppose interesting or boring. I don’t know –it’s kind of interesting in the sense, I am feeling energetic. This is the basic that I need to move on; I know some of you say “ One love”. It’s good for you. For me, I think, at this age – not that way. I have some vague purposes and I haven’t yet taken it seriously. When will you take it seriously? I would like to question myself at the early age of 40s. Still, life is going on as it is the way I want.

Seriously, I know what to do. I know the strategy to follow. I don’t know what I am waiting for. Maybe the right time to start? My procrastination still continues. I want to gather up strengths that don’t just befall all at the same time. Silly me? I think I have no utmost desire to do what I want.  If I do, what I want, this may hamper my family? Or I am fearful of a new situation in my life. Yes, Adventurous I should be by doing that. What is that thing that I want to do? Am I clear? Yep, Clarity is required.

Wondering Typhoon! That’s something required to do for what I want. In the long run, I am going to see and feel good for what I will have done. I am sure, that doesn’t stop there. I think it will stop there – The end. The two-minds just come up and duality begins, Ufff. Though this, I am enjoying myself. I like being like this. There is no surety of anything that exists except the sunrise in the east and set in the west. What a life!!

You need a break. Go for a break. Treat yourself but I do this always. What else I need again? The beginning doesn’t begin there and it is a never-ending loop of thoughts! Alas! Procrastinations – how can I win? How can I continue to exist? Frankly, I haven’t yet thought about the future self of being myself that how will be my life at the age of 60 or 70s. Come on that’s tooo far, how about 55?

Wednesday, May 22, 2019

Tug of war within me and my outside territory with surroundings.

Alas~ what a life so far. Struggling inside and with the outside forces - push and pull. Yeah, I am alive!

I see the tug of war between Rich vs Poor. I can't define this in that way because In what ways we can say he is rich or he is poor? Solely on economic terms? Yuck! what an attitude! That's an ugly way to interpret if he has a car in the family - then he is rich! What a ridiculous statement is this.

I define prosperity in the following ways.

If you have access to the resources, then you are rich.
If you are happy today, then you are rich.
If you have enough foods to eat and enough water to drink then you are rich.
If you have clean, safe clothes to wear, then you are rich.
If you don't have to live in dirty places, then you are rich.
If you are capable to change your situation, then you are rich.
If you are self-reliant and independent then you are rich.
If you can do what you want, then you are rich.
If you are free to do in your life whatever you desire, then you are rich enough to live.

So, the question is nowadays of equality. The gap between rich vs poor. Can you imagine those living in a lofty and beautiful house, are they have all those mentioned above? I think, 50% could be still under poverty.

There are extreme outside for those who even struggle for a roti a day. Are those exist today in Kathmandu Valley? They need to be addressed. Especially girls who have their own struggling as they grow up into adolescence. But let's not ignore boys in this case as well.

Personally, I feel struggling with the people for those in the name of the minority, they want to use the whole piece of cake. I felt second class in front of them. There are men who can't speak up for their rights because the image of women empowerment and image are largely in the screen of society.
We the men support women, and vice versa. Equality begins this way. No, any other ways.


Monday, September 17, 2018

The Current state of my life at Forties

The current state of my life:

A bit tired, a bit accepting the way the life befalls, a bit worried sometimes, a bit rage, a bit struggling to beloved, a bit ire with competitors, a bit hope and a bit dream with some actions – my life continues at 43 years of age.

Most difficult times I have had, was with my wife which most of the time damages me and my dream. I think that is the first ever thought I have thought after quarreling every time with her because it loses my self-esteem and mind basically. Sometimes the rage came out destroys me and my life. I don’t feel hopeless still about quarrel thinking that she will understand later in her life why I am the way I am.

The quarreling makes my image down with the surroundings - Piercing my heart and self-image.
I question myself what would I have done if I don’t have money in this situation. 

There are repeated moments of verbal quarreling leading to get me out of the room to sleep on the sofa nearby due to her dissatisfaction over her sexual desires at nights. I didn’t feel like it but need mental peace most of the time after dinner at bed during the night.

 A quest is always there for the next morning to carry out planning in facebook and opportunities app which she doesn’t even realize how I am carrying out day to day activities during the day - My quest for networking, attending and learning by events and workshops, meeting with different interests of people who are potentially the future growth of my career and work advancement in my life of the forties. Identity goes the way I present to the outside world nationally and internationally. Youths need to participate and engage in the activities so as to bring economic and social cohesion in the family and society.

In this life of forties, I am an independent thinker and always trying to carry out plans independently. As I need to bring families into my planning, still the engagements are few towards it.  Thus, teamwork needs to be carried out to bring concrete changes in my life at this age. So, leadership is the key I think. The question is what kind of leadership? and accepting of me as a leader?

I am just thinking I missed the leadership training by Mukesh sir but had a good talk on the telephone about it with one of the friend of mine in the same training.

Saturday, January 27, 2018

Flashback of my time at MICD


MICD has been one of my great platform to grow. To be honest, grow in the  sense of expressing myself what I think of reality as such. Many would have disagreed to me or laughed at me by making a joke which normally I have been getting feedback at home and work place. But, everything has changed. My home has changed in many ways. Though still some of their believe which I hear are as it is taking them as a "Hawa Guff." But, the time has been proving myself in many ways. Though still, I am struggling to make a choice in asking a question that makes me feel asking. Only after a great struggle in my mind, I ask a question that goes outside to the environment from my mind.

One thing is sure if I am feeling sleepy, to make out of this state, then I ask questions. So, it has been a great struggle between the state of what my body wants and what my mind wants or the time wants. In this duality, a question arises and I speak of my mind. I am sure, I may not be asking question in relevant to others' reality which actually makes them to think or to go their mind into deja vu. And by listening to their answer I know where they are in congruence with my thought. Sometimes I get beyond my experiences so far and I admit this to be true.

Why I'm into asking questions, to define this further which I had already written in one of my another blog as http://writercrafts.com/tag/life-a-soul/ with a title " Life questions to be asked." in which I enjoyed much expressing them my own belief which could be true to many I suppose.

To make me remind of what I ask, MICD tagged them as a Philosophical which I didn't realize as such earlier. So, categorization has been done which has enlightened me where I am and what I am actually doing so far. Even, I did get feedback not to go much of the spiritual side of where my questions might have based. I totally respect those views which are coming from down to earth modalities based on some ground works. Alas~ I'm free, I know.

To be continued......










Thursday, December 15, 2016

MY SPECIAL PERSON AND SOME INCIDENTS IN MY LIFE SO FAR.

MY SPECIAL PERSON IN MY LIFE:

If I have to remember someone in my life who is special and will be forever alive in my memory, then there are few persons I have to name them. I am going to unfold this truth of mine to myself because I don't know if someone there on the other side of the world are listening or seeing this. I and my life in this four decades, few people have imprinted me on my mind and heart.

CHILDHOOD MEMORIES:

In my childhood, watching movies at Makhan Tole and Bhedasing; at the Cinema halls- Kumari and Vishojyoti with a third class tickets. The most influential actor which made me feel wow and pretty emotional was none other than Amitab Bacchan. His style, the way he talks,his character in the film and the role he played truly moved me a lot. I didn't analysed this way at first during childhood. I was just moved by his act. 

Every new film of Amitab Bacchan was enthralling to see and never missed if the telecast was being repeated on the television again. I could lose anything just to see his movie completely. It was then before my school leaving days during 80s'. It was the time when a person move with his energy wherever it swung. 

ONE OF THE INCIDENT I REMEMBERED DURING SCHOOLDAYS.

That was the time, a boy might get infatuation!! Yes, same as this. I loved one of the class girl in my school. It wouldn't be such a remembrance as I still today because something had happened which made this emotion deep inside imprinted like never will be erasing again. Just carved in my heart. Because to that girl I loved which I hadn't expressed to her, one of my close friend proposed her with a letter. Such a cross to my heart. I cried after returning home in the evening. That was my first crush ever with a girl!

This heart breaking incident made me refrained from girls. One day after SLC exam and during holidays, someone had called in my home land line number and one of the family member received and gave it to me telling me someone asking me. I was quite surprised and that was one of the girl from the school. She was reciting poems on the phone and played guitar for me omg! I was quite awkward in front of other family members. But, she knew what she was doing. I didn't recognized even though she said her name. I had to hang up the phone abruptly but that name was in my mouth and inquiring about her to one of my friend who studied in her class section as she mentioned me on the phone. The search didn't end until I found her during my classes of Bachelor at KU. I came to know she had flew to India for her 10+2 after SLC and returned to Nepal for her Bachelor. Now, she is happily married with children living in USA.

My special moments with my father:

One time early 20s' I was at recovery phase taking medication daily. Doctor told my nervous system was taking baby steps again. I  used to wake up early morning and go to the morning walk every day with my father. We used to play badminton, football until tired, up at the airport area which wasn't restricted much like these days. Every day walking and to buy vegetables seemed to be a daily routine. Visited the doctor with father made me feel always new and interesting because we had to go to near Swaymbhu Nath temple from home. I loved to visit doctor's place. Along the way to visit and morning walks, we used to have talks sometime.

There are few occasions I had chance to travel with him. I felt really relaxed and visiting Nepalese cities and valley. We had a journey by air, bus, van and jeep. But never got chance to visit by horse hummmm. But he had been to Dipayel and some riding horse journey on his offical visit.